TREKKING THRU LIFE

Jacob Ryan turns two!

2006-07-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

One of the great things of being a Pop Pop is my grandsons's birthday party. Seeing him as the center of attention with all his family and friends is the best. You only are baby once and you might as well be thrilled. I love my little buddy.

A few things before vacation begins!

2006-06-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

We leave tomorrow for a week in Rehoboth Beach. It is me, my son, his wife, the two grandsons, my daughter and her boyfriend. We plan to eat, drink, beach it and just be the lazy slobs we always were meant to be. Sunday we meet up with my ex, and her brother and his family. I miss the lot of them and I love have grandparenting with my ex and me. Makes me feel good to share memories with her (my ex wife) on a spontaneous level. We were meant to be grandparents.

Next...I just viewed a site called OVERSAMPLED.NET. A site for children of gay parents. Highly recommend it to anyone in that situation. Not only is it full of info but you can connect with others who share your views or problems or whatever.

Lastly....I went to the Doc for my SHINGLES or PHP (post herpetic neuralgia). He wants to talk to the eye doc and would like to install a PIC in my arm so I can inject myself 3 times a day with an antirviral. They want to fill me up with the stuff because the cornea does not have blood vessels and to get the anti viral to attack the Shingles virus (herpes zoster...Not contagious now, and when it was it was for a very short time for chicken pox not shingles), they feel I need to have so much of the med around the cornea that it will penetrate and get to the villain virus!
I am losing vision which they say I can get back and I am diligent on the meds. Meanwhile the cardio workouts continue for my heart health but my weight is horrible....I need Star Jones to reveal her secret to success to me!

Well off I go on vacation! I need this one big time!

THRU THICK AND THIN

2006-06-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have gone to the eye doc the other day and once again the news is not good. My vision in my left eye is questionable as to whether I can save the cornea. UGH! The good news is how much support (and teasing) I get from my friends.

I am not able to cope with things and even get around as much. Joe, Mike, Ron, Gregg and Blair have been the best. They just are there for me and emotionally that means alot. My problem is physical and if I let it get the best of me, I am sunk. Consequently because of my lack of coping skills, I will not put up with shit. Some people can call it drama but it is a bunch of BS. I have found if I want a "drama" free life, I need to be "drama" free. Take it from a man of my age and with my health issue, you will get what you give. Simple as that. Therefore I feel I have sown the seeds of friendship and I know whom I can call upon for unconditional support.

I have many friends at many levels. I will always look out for my friends as if you were family, which by the way I have the best family anyone could want. So to those I have mentioned and the ones I have not...THANKS for being there now and in the future!!!!!!!

Out and About

2006-05-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

So, I finally went into the city (Philadelphia) after nearly a year. It was great to see everyone. Wish it was a bit more intimate than Equality Forum but nevertheless it was a good time. We went in to walk around and drink some and then go to Woody's for country western dancing and some more drinks. Then to Moriarity's for the best damn wings around. In between all this was a whole lot of socializing. Saw some old buds and saw some of you guys in person finally that I only know through AOL and Bear 411 (GRRRRR lol). Thanks to everyone for saying hi and caring enough to have missed me!

BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR STEF

2006-05-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

I had Stef's birthday party on Saturday the 29th. Too much fun. Stef is basically too much fun. She is bright, articulate, funny and beautiful. And I live with the realization, that so are all her friends. She has been friends with 9 other girls since they were little girls. I have seen them them grow up from little girls screaming non stop to teenettes with little boyfriends to driving around in cars and free wheeling (big worries), to being coeds, joining the work force, falling in love, getting married and as I saw at the party, they are parents. These girls are women to be envied. I am amazed how they have maintained their friendships all these years. They all have these handsome husbands, beautiful babies and lives that suit them. Five of them are jointly celebrating their 30th year by going to a DUDE RANCH. They will have a ball! By the way, Stefanie has a great boyfriend and they live together and they seem to be headed towards the family thing soon. Now back to the party. We had a great time, the food was great, the bar was ample and the day was beautiful. The kids rode bikes and ran around the yard. My grandson, Jacob Ryan, was a wild boy. He is 21 months old and knows too much. He ran, he rode, he danced, he ate, he played he was amazing and I love my little buddy. Stef looked beautiful and was an amazing hostess. She was the perfect daughter. We shared the day as a family, Stef's mom, aunts, brother, uncle, cousins, nephews were all there. Life was kind to our family that day. Thanks Stef for bringing us all together. We all love you!

FRIENDS

2006-04-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as tho I am a better friend to some of my friends then they are to me. I want them to be better friends.

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!

2006-04-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

I love my daughter more than I say. On April 24, 2006 she turned 30. The best 30 years anyone could ask for in this life. No matter who has come and gone from this world, no matter what joys were given to me, the best and worst that life can deal someone, my daughter was there with me. The whole unconditional love thing really works for me. I am so very lucky that she, Stefanie, was the type of baby, child and now woman that really let me into her world. She is not just my daughter exclusively, she is a sister, niece, a friend (just as an adult to me mind you), a comic, a nurturer, a planner, a great person that the world is lucky to have! The last 30 years seemed to flown by and yet I remember each moment. They are my yesterdays and Stefanie is part of it all. She is in my every thought 24/7. Last night I could have just looked at her for hours. Listening to her talk and laugh was the best. My family is loaded with divorce so her party scans a full week. Sunday she was with her mom and aunt for dinner with that group plus my son and his family. Last night was ice cream night with me. Tonite, Tuesday, we go to Sullivans for a dinner with my Dad, his wife (ugh), her boyfriend (soon to be fiance, we think), and of course Aunt Jean! Thursday nite, Stefanie will be excluded from the poster night. Our family always does a poster with old and new pictures. It is a hoot and I have to say my family and my ex are very talented at it. Saturday is the party. 40 people plus, family (I have 7 brothers and sisters and tons of others) and friends. My ex wife and some of her family are included, the babies and kids will be running around and it will be a nut house. It will be a great party. Fully catered and very Italian! I will blog some more after Saturday. Life is GOOD!

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE

2006-04-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

WELL...I AM A GRANDFATHER FOR THE 2ND TIME!!! WHAT A THRILL. BRANDON MARSHALL MATTEI ENTERED THE WORLD ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, APRIL 7TH. WHAT A CUTE LITTLE GUY. THE WHOLE GRANDPARENT THING MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND SO COMPLETE. IT'S IS A GREAT CHANCE TO REVISIT DAYS GONE BY, WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE ONES. THE WORDS FROM THEY PAVED PARADISE ARE SO TRUE..."YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TIL IT'S GONE" . THANK GOD FOR MY GRANDSONS.

CHRISTMAS 2005

2005-12-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas Eve was a great time. When you have all the kids and babies it really brings back the old days. The tone is definitely different now. The bar is hardly used and food seems to be the big attraction. But the real fun are the babies the kids have now. My grandson, Jacob Ryan, and his cousin, Max, gave us quite the show. BABY DANCE OFF and I think it was a tie! They were dressed for the occasion and both can spout off a slew of words especially Christmas ones. You would think they were the only two babies in the world. One thing for sure the kids in our family are well cared for and are healthy and smart as all get out.

So my whole family showed up with few exceptions. The food was a hit and I think (with a lot of help from my friends) the decorations were really festive!

Christmas Day, my little family all gathered at Ryan and Lauren's new house. They did a great job hosting. It was a real homey feeling and they have a beautiful tree and a great set up for Christmas. We opened a slew of gifts and the baby was a riot. His favorite thing was the giant sized box from the gifts. Figures! We had our traditional breakfast and really enjoyed being together and in the new house especially. I think we just started a new tradition by moving Christmas to there house.

The afternoon was spent at my sister Jean's house. She is a great cook. The food was delicious and the house was decorated like it was from a magazine. Another great time!

After all this I was exhausted. So Zach and Ron and I just sat around my house and of course we ate! We watched TV and caught up and just were too tired to do much else.

Christmas was all the I had hoped it would be.

JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO KNOW

2005-12-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

When Joe called today, it was to tell me his mom had passed away. It has been a long month for him and his poor mom. She died of cancer and was home with her family and under hospice care.

When we lose someone we have known so long, it hurts down to our soul. Joe and his sister will miss their mom but hopefully, with time, they will forget the pain and enjoy the memories.

God bless our mom's no matter where they are on life's journey.

I GET BY WITH ALLOT OF HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

2005-12-12T06:58:00.000-08:00

I had my holiday party on Saturday, December 10th. It was a success! It was great to see everyone and I am pretty proud of myself that I have progressed this far. But most importantly, I have to thank Mike and Ron and Tim. These guys really helped me alot and this year, I don't know what I would have done without them. Mike and Ron always have helped me and always there for me and believe me, I have needed them alot with the run of bad luck I have had in 2005. Besides the back issue, there was the stents in my heart (May) and of course the lovely shingles in my left eye (Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec...). Friends like these guys are a blessing.

Meanwhile back at the party...

So, the party had a real holiday feel to it. The house was decorated, gifts under the tree and the construction work I had done this past fall was either finished or covered by snow! Most everyone who was invited was there. I had 30 guests and I worked from an address list that was all bits and pieces. Being sick made being efficient very difficult. This party was all friends and of course my sister Jean. It is a given that no matter what kind of party I have, Jean will be there. She is a firecracker but I love so much, I just grin and bare it. What would I do without Jean?!!!!

So we ate all the food and drank til late. I was glad to have a cocktail and get a real buzz. Hadn't really touched the stuff since March. Oh and I should mention I am 8 months off of cigarettes on December 14th.

Joe was missed at the party and with his mother gravely ill, it was understandable. I had his picture with Vanessa Williams sitting out so everyone could get the "Joe Feeling". Joes is another one those people who has helped me so much.

At the risk of rambling I want to thank my friends and family for helping so much. Those special people in my life are my security blanket.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

P.S. I am still working on my blog technique!

SIMPLY STATED ...

2005-12-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

Today I went to a funeral for friend in business. He was 84 years old. He served in World War II, ran a very successful family business that he created, was very active in various charities and a "big wig" in the Knights of Columbus. His family is as nice as he was and he was extremely nice. I hate to use the word nice but in this case it fits.

The epitaph his family chose and I believe Al (the deceased) would agree was as follows...

"He not be idealized in death beyond what he was in life. He should be remembered simply as a good and decent man." Adagietto form Mahler's Fifth Symphony

Al was good and decent. These are qualities that for some reason are not so prevalent these days. So to those that I call friends, I simply state...you are good and decent. I love you all.

SOME DAYS ARE GREAT AND TODAY WAS ONE OF THEM

2005-12-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today I spent the day with my daughter, Stefanie, then later Mike and Ron, then ended it all with dinner and dessert with all our friend Gregg and his family. I have to say I enjoyed the day. Being well again and being with fun people made the holiday start again. I just want to be part of something greater and I know I am back. I need to thank Mike and Ron for all their help. I love you guys! Well Happy Holidays Everyone. I am looking forward to some great time with and for all of us.